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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23258041">Selfish Wishes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Distantcowboysounds/pseuds/Distantcowboysounds'>Distantcowboysounds</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Non-Sexual, Sad Ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 05:55:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,750</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23258041</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Distantcowboysounds/pseuds/Distantcowboysounds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Estlina will do whatever she needs to in order to remove herself from her younger sister's shadow. Even if it means losing her sister forever.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Selfish Wishes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The midday sun shone through the stained glass windows, casting a colorful array of light down the long hallway. Soft footsteps sounded as Estlina walked with a purpose, her back straightened, head held high and decorated with her finest Altmer silks and jewels. Long white and copper hair was pulled into an immaculate tight bun decorated with thin braids and pearls. Estlina was dressed to meet the emperor and as she approached a large painted wooden door she felt the same anxiety one would before meeting someone of such importance. With a slight shake in her hand, she reached for the handle, taking one final deep breath to collect herself before she pushed the door open.</p><p>The room was an elegant tearoom decorated with beautiful tapestry and engravings running up the wooden pillars. Across the room from the door was a large window that stretched to the high ceiling. At the window stood a tall dunmer woman, the Nerevarine. The breath caught in Estlina's throat as the woman turned to look at her, a smile dancing across her lips as she moved away from the window.</p><p>“Estlina, my sister, it has been far too long!” Her bewitching voice sounded the same as when Estlina had heard it years ago, as if time had found it perfect and left it as is.</p><p>Forcing a smile, Estlina moved into the room and embraced her younger sister. “Nivinor, I’ve missed you. It has been so long since you’ve been home.” Estlina gently pulled away from her sister. A warm expression played on Nivinor’s face as she looked down at Estlina, who mirrored the taller’s warmth.</p><p>Looking over her sister, Estlina noticed how much she has changed. Nivinor stood with elegance and strength she had never had before. Muscles in her arms had become more defined. Estlina even noticed several scars across her shoulder just barely showing underneath the sleeve of her gown. Although Nivinor now stood with the strength and confidence one would expect from a hero, her crimson eyes spoke of a different tale. There was an eternal sadness and exhaustion behind her smile. One that, like the muscles, she had never worn before. A flux of bliss coursed through Estlina as she made mental notes about her sister’s imperfections.</p><p>“Why don’t we sit? There’s already tea waiting, and I’m aching to hear how you’ve been these past years.” The words were coated in honey as Estlina spoke, hoping to ensnare her sister with them.</p><p>Nivinor gave a nod and moved to sit, gesturing to the exquisite tea set that sat waiting for them. “I brought the tea you like, the one with Tum'ja leaves from Elsweyr. I know how hard it is to get shipped to the Isles, but I also know how much you enjoy it.” The smile she wore was sweet, while Estlina's was sour.</p><p>“That’s so kind of you to think of me, sister.” Estlina's mind ran with annoyance; Nivinor thought she was something special, being able to travel around all of Tamriel and indulge in the luxuries of life. What made her so special? A couple of birthmarks? Some stupid false Dunmeri gods? </p><p>She seethed with hate for her younger sister as she drank the tea. All the while Nivinor sat with a smile on her face while her hands fiddled with the several rings that she wore. "How have you been Estlina? I’ve barely heard a word from you since I-" She paused with an awkward laugh. "Well since I was arrested."</p><p>Estlina let her smile show, masking it with care for her sister. "Quite well my sister. I’ve been involved with some of the court goings-on and I was married just last month to a renowned Thalmor member. You may have heard of him? Vollas Alkinuseus." There was no shame as Estlina bragged about her husband, nor was there any love in her words.</p><p>Nivinor only gently shook her head in response. "I can’t say I have, no. I suppose I’ve just been so caught up with Morrowind and House Telvanni. I’m so happy that you found someone. I just truly wish I could’ve come to the wedding. It would have been lovely for our new families to meet." </p><p>Bitterness rose up in Estlina that she forced down with more of the sweet tea. "Is that so? Well, what about this new family of yours? Have you found yourself a husband?" She watched as her sister’s ears tinged red and she softly cleared her throat.</p><p>"Well, yes." She paused for a moment, letting out a soft breath. "And a wife. They both are so lovely. I wish you could meet them but Batraza isn’t fond of," she paused and gestured to the lavish room they occupied. "...all this, and Lazarron wanted to visit the mages market." A gentle look overcame Nivinor as she spoke of her partners. Estlina had to hold back a grimace as she questioned how she was related to her.</p><p>"A man and a woman?" Nivinir nodded softly. "Did you say the one was named Batraza? That sounds orcish…. You married an orc?"</p><p>Nivinor let out a small chuckle. "Yes, we met some years ago. I was visiting His Highness Uriel Septim in Cyrodiil and she was my assigned bodyguard.”  Estlina held back a gag as she watched her sisters pointed ears twitch excitedly as she spoke. She was supposed to be the Nerevarine and here she was twitching her ears like some child as she talked about an orc! Estlina wanted to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. Nivinor continued with a soft smile. “She asked to be my personal guard, and we got married a month after. Then we met Lazarron and he was just so sweet; told me he wanted to learn magic from me. I said yes and well, now I have two spouses.” She gestured to a silver ring she wore, a sweet expression playing on her face as she looked at the piece of metal.</p><p>“That… is interesting, my sister.” Estlina flexed her hands on the table, letting her own assortment of rings shine in the light. “I’m sure the elders would be so very approving of you marrying a female orc…”</p><p>Nivinor gave a soft shrug. “We married in Morrowind; mother’s family gave us the blessing. Things are different over there Estlina, other Dunmer don’t care who you marry or what they are as much as people do here. Either way, I want to hear about what you’ve been doing these past years.”</p><p>A true smile spread across Estlina’s lips before jumping into a surge of bragging about her life. All the while Nivinor sat across from her, smiling affectionately at her sister. Estlina talked for nearly an hour before she finally ran out of things to say. Orange rays of light now shone through the window, casting a fiery glow across the room. The tea had long emptied and Estlina noticed that Nivinor seemed to be playing with her rings more and more. </p><p>“I’m so happy that you’ve been doing so well, Estlina! You deserve the best, and I’m happy to see you receiving it.” Estlina felt her ego swell at the words. “I want to share something with you as well, something that I admittingly have wanted to say since you walked in.” Estlina hummed, feigning interest in what her sister had to share. “As I mentioned earlier, my new family, well-” A harsh knock at the door drew the sisters’ attentions. </p><p>A  guttural voice called from behind the door. “Madam Estlina, I’m here on your earlier request.” Estlina felt a rush of adrenaline whirl through her chest as she called out her response.</p><p>“Ah yes, please do come in.” As soon as the words left her lips the door opened and in snuck a tall figure, shrouded in a dark cloak. Estlina watched from the corner of her eye as Nivinor shifted uncomfortably in her seat, obviously sensing the wrongness of the situation.</p><p>Their new guest closed the door behind them and as the door softly clicked shut, Estlina pounced. The table clattered to the ground, shattering the expensive porcelain tea sets, but that didn’t bother her. Nivinor’s chair hit the ground as Estlina’s fingers danced with magic. A strangled gasp came out of Nivinor’s mouth as she sent a bolt of electricity towards Estlina before desperately scrambling to the side. Estlina turned just before she was hit with the brunt force of the bolt, letting out a snarl as her head whipped back to her sister. Small waves of electricity flowed through her body.</p><p>“Estlina! B’vehk what are you doing?!” Nivinor’s voice sounded like glass as shock spread across her face. </p><p>Rage sparked inside of Estlina as flames licked across her fingers. “What I should have done long ago, you damn rat!” Poison dripped from her words as she shot a bolt of fire towards her sister. Nivinor rolled out of the way, right to the feet of the cloaked stranger. They took the opportunity to pounce and pin the woman down; Nivinor let out a strangled scream as she struggled against the stranger. </p><p>Magic sparked along the stranger’s hands and they held onto Nivinor’s wrists tightly, draining her magicka as the Dunmer struggled. “Hold her down! I want to be the one to do it.” A wicked grin worked its way onto Estlina’s face, her once immaculate hair now falling from its tight hold. </p><p>The stranger snapped their head towards the elven woman. “That is not the way of the Dark Brotherhood. You contracted us to kill her-”</p><p>Estlina snarled as her golden eyes shimmered with rage. “Xarxes’ backside! You don’t think I know that?! I want to do it; whatever amount of coin you want I’ll give you. But you are going to let me spill her blood.” A strangled cry came from Nivinor as she tried desperately to pull her hands free of the draining touch. Estlina laughed, mocking the Nerevarine’s struggles. “Not so all high and mighty are you? Finally, I can be free of you and your damned shadow!” </p><p>Confusion, fear, and shock. Estlina drank in the look Nivinor wore as tears began falling from the younger’s face. “Estlina, my sister wh-” The words were cut off by a shrill screech. Estlina smiled at the sound as she let zaps of electricity flow from her fingers and into Nivinor’s slender body. The woman let out a choked sob as she desperately tried to curl in on herself. “Please stop, you’re going to-” A harsh kick to her face stopped the sentence midway. </p><p>“I’m going to what? Kill you? Are you a fucking imbecile?! That’s exactly what I want to do!” Estlina glared into Nivinor’s crimson eyes; enjoying the sight of the mighty Nerevarine crumpled into a ball as tears and snot ran down her face. She was a far cry from the mighty women that stood before her just hours ago. Searching her eyes, Estlina was overjoyed to find that look of hurt in her eyes. She laughed as she looked towards the Brotherhood member. “Get off of her but do not stop holding her down, and make sure to keep draining her magicka.” They huffed in response as they moved from straddling the woman, allowing Estlina to stand over her.</p><p>She watched as Nivinor tried desperately to curl herself into the fetal position, letting out incoherent mumbles and sobs. Estlina laughed wildly as she kicked the woman’s legs away from her stomach and pulled a long dagger from the wrapping around her waist. She looked at the glinting blade, then looking over Nivinor’s pathetic form, her body shaking with adrenaline while she mentally prepared herself for what she was going to do.</p><p>Estlina bent down, sitting on her sister’s stomach and letting her magicka spill into the blade. Something murmured in the back of her mind as her magicka flowed, a soft thump. She shook it off, the blade in her hand now dancing with electricity. “Turn her head, I want her to look at me when I do it.” Estlina’s voice was dark. The Brotherhood member complied, now pinning the Dunmer women’s hands with their knees. Nivinor let out a whimper as she was forced by harsh hands to look at the woman she once called sister. Another thump. It startled Estlina, but her mind was set on one thing as she raised the blade above her head. Nivinor softly muttered her cries and pleas to deaf ears. Thump. Thump. Again, that thumping rang out in Estlina’s mind. Confusion washed over her face as she mentally searched for the source. </p><p>She looked at Nivinor, who sobbed softly as the tips of her fingers began to blacken from the extensive magicka draining. Thump. Thump. The beating was now rhythmic, like a heartbeat. Estlina’s eyes looked at Nivinor’s chest as it raised and shrunk rapidly, it couldn’t have been hers but the beat resonated from Nivinor.</p><p>Estlina’s eyes widen as the realization hit her like a bolt of lightning. She quickly pushed herself from the woman’s stomach as her shaking hands let the electrified blade drop to the ground with a harsh clatter. Her body shook as she gently sat her hands onto Nivinor’s stomach, using her magicka to feel the soft beat. A heartbeat. She looked at the other women with a mix of fear and regret. “You… you’re pregnant…” The words slipped from Estlina’s lips. Nivinor shook in fear, softly mouthing her response. Yes.</p><p>All at once, Estlina felt her senses return to her at once as she stood. She felt sick as her mind ran as she realized what she was trying to do, how her bitterness had blinded her. Her hands shook violently while she looked at her sister, her sister who had come all this way to see her, who had written to her for years, the sister who has looked up to her all her life. The sister she just tried to murder.</p><p>“I see there’s a change of plans. I’m still obligated to finish this contract you know.” The Brotherhood member spoke flatly as they produced a dagger and held it to Nivinor’s throat.</p><p>“NO!” Estlina screamed harshly, instinctively letting her magicka flow; sending a spike of ice through the assassin. They let out a wet gurgling sound as blood pooled from their mouth, before falling to the side and releasing Nivinor from their draining grip.</p><p>Estlina rushed to her sister’s aid, hands fluttering around her before landing on her arm. Nivinor pulled away harshly, the fear on her face replaced with hurt and anger. “DON’T TOUCH ME!” Her crimson eyes burned with pain as she spoke through gritted teeth. “Don’t you ever fucking touch me. You contracted the fucking Dark Brotherhood to kill me! WHY?! Because you were jealous of me? Estlina I looked up to you; I wanted you to be proud of me. I never wanted to be better than you.” Tears flowed freely from Nivinors eyes as she shook with anger, reaching to hold her head in her hands, fingers raking through her white hair. “I thought it was over, I thought I was done with Nerevar’s life.” Her voice shook as she choked back a sob. “YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT THAN THE TRIBUNAL!” </p><p>Estlina backed away from her sister, her mind raced with words but nothing would come out. She watched silently as Nivinor sobbed and slowly rose to her feet, gently holding her stomach. She walked to the door and stopped, her hand on the knob.</p><p>“Nivinor, I’m sor-”</p><p>“Enough.” Nivinor’s voice had lost the kindness it once held for Estlina. She turned to look at her, rage and anguish written clearly on her face. “You have not a fucking clue what you have done. The Dark Brotherhood won’t stop until I’m dead. You have single-handedly endangered the rest of my damn life, sorry doesn’t fix what you’ve done. If you ever try to contact me for my family, I won’t falter to end you. I’m not your sister anymore and I will never treat you as such for the rest of my life.” She gripped the knob tightly, looking away. “Goodbye, Estlina.” And with that, Nivinor opened the door and left. Estlina sat on the floor for a moment, letting the words sink in before she let the first tear fall from her face. She had gotten her wish: she had killed her sister, and would never get her back.</p>
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